Georgia Renaissance Festival 2004


A Tale of the Renaissance

    Once upon a time in a land called Georgia, there was held a grand festival for all to come and take part. The brave knights of the realm as well as the common folk were all welcome. This tale is about three companions that went to the festival. 

The first was Sir Ryan the Leather Knight also guide and sentry, the second was Rob the the Merry, and  there was  also Ryann the Bashful! The three companions made their way down the street and into the shop of the glass smith.

    "Such a fine craft,"    Exclaimed Rob the Merry, "Indeed!"  Agreed  Sir Ryan the leather knight. Ryann the bashful said nothing, Being bashful ofcourse it was not her way to speak. The three continued their journey and stopped at the Jousting field.

This was a very silly place full of strutting Knights and boastful Princes, but the English Knight was still victorious over the Italian, YAY! God save the queen!!!  And as the three once again continued their journey, a shout of warning came from above!!!!!!

It was a pirate from the treasure ship! 

"Be ye warned that if thou goest to the Tortuga Twins show ye may not come back the same! It is said that they possess strange and macabre power to put folk into trances from whence they never return from! Ye are hereby warned!!!"  Sir Ryan did heed the pirates warning and did not intend to venture forth to view these Tortuga Twins, however.......

"Dude! We've got to check that out!!!! It's got to be awesome!"

"Hmmm" was all that came from Ryann the Bashful . Rob the Merry took this as a yay vote and told Sir Ryan he was outvoted so they were going to the Tortuga Twins show. 

So the party made their way to the stage. Sir Ryan sensed something foul from the start for there were not Twin Tortugas because there were infact Three Tortugas, and they didn't resemble each other at all. They just bounced around the stage in their really too revealing tights and talked in voices that made Sir Ryan really think that they were fruity indeed. After the show Sir Ryan held back his vomit, Ryann the Bashful said "Hmmm." and Rob the Merry just started to act all queer and unusual. 

"That was the greatest thing I've ever seen!!! We must come back to see the second show!!!"

And thus we arrived a second time at the stage of the Tortuga Twins (who were in fact not twins, but triplets, if even really related!)  Well as the show progressed Rob the Merry became queerer and queerer until  he leaped from his bench rushed the stage and took hold of the vile Sheriff of Nottingham's arm!!

"Great Scott!" Yelled Sir Ryan as he leapt to his feet grabbing his sword!!!

"No! We'll cause a scene." Ryann the bashful whispered. 

The two watched in horror as Rob the Merry took his vows with the Sheriff of Nottingham!!!! 

"This must be the curse that the pirates warned us about!" Sir Ryan concluded. 

"We must do something!" Ryann the bashful murmured.

"Yes, we must! Wait I have an Idea!"  Sir Ryan said triumphantly. "I know what must be done to snap Rob the merry from his trance, but it is a long and dangerous track. I must go alone Ryann the Bashful, and hope that I return in time to save poor Rob the Merry. I go now and if successful I shall be back with the cure!"

"Good luck Sir Ryan!"  Ryann the bashful signed.  

And so, sword in hand Sir Ryan disappeared into the festival to find the cure to his friends queer madness! Ryann the bashful thought it seemed like hours until she looked up and saw Sir Ryan returning to their place, and with him he had his supposed cure! 

"Well Ryan the bashful , it was a long search and an even longer battle to get her here but here she is, A kissing wench! If anything can get the blood of a man boiling again it's a kissing Wench! Surely she will be able to break the trance of the Tortuga Twins."

"Oh dear, not the Tortuga Twins!"  exclaimed the Kissing wench. "No matter how many times I've tried my power alone isn't enough to break the spells of those devils."

"Are you saying I drug you all the way over here for nothing? That you can not help my friend?!!!!" Sir Ryan growled.

"No, your friend may yet be saved, but alas I have not the power to save him myself. I shall need help."

"What kind of help?"  asked Sir Ryan

"I'll need an extra pair of lips to double the effect of my power and that may be enough to save him!"

"Uh..... Ummmm...... You know on second thought this isn't too bad he seems happy and gay enough, maybe we're acting too hastely and......."             

Ryann the bashful smacked Sir Ryan on the head.

"No, we can't leave him like that! I shall help."

And with that The kissing Wench and Ryann the bashful slowly approached Rob the Merry.

And they both kissed Rob the Merry on the cheeks. And in a magical moment Rob the Merry's countenance changed, he belched and scratched himself! "Whooo Hoooo!!! Hot chicks!!!!! Bring on the Beer and Sports!!!!!!"  


"Yay, he's cured!!!!!!"  And there was much rejoicing. However Sir Ryan had mysteriously went missing, When Rob the Merry and Ryann the bashful found him he was sitting alone in the Tortuga Twin stage!

"Come on you fakey twin triplets get out here and hex me! I want two kisses!!!!!!!"

Well needless to say Sir Ryan was heart broken when Rob the Merry told him that There would be no more Tortuga Twin shows for the day. But having cured Rob the Merry the party continued on their way through the festival. 

It wasn't long however before they realized that something may still be a miss. 

"Egads! he's still not cured and it may have spread to poor Ryann the bashful! Leave it to her not to say anything!" And thus Sir Ryan, the Leather Knight, had only one recourse left to him to try and save his friends. 


He Sacked them both, drug them both to his car and took them back to Canton, far away from the evils of the Tortuga Triplets and the Renaissance festival. Once they woke up they didn't recall anything about the Trance and went back to their normal lives like nothing had ever happened.


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